cans closed

If you're in the market for a can opener, do not (I repeat: do not) invest in the $1 can opener from your local Walgreens. Tempting though it may be, I assure you it is not worth a dollar, nor any fraction thereof.

"But I don't need a fancy can opener," you protest.
Fair enough, but let's assume you'd like a can opener that opens cans. Walgreens' $1 edition would be a great choice if you're hoping for the type of can opener that simply clamps, but if you're thinking more along the lines of a can opener that cuts- you best take your dollar elsewhere.

"But I hardly ever eat canned food," you say.
I see where you're coming from, but BACKFIRE!, my friends. Canned food is desperation food- food you resort to when there's nothing else, or when you're sick and just need soup. These are not the times to be messing around with a can-mauling wannabe. Will you eventually get your cans open? yeah, as time and time again you find yourself cursing the can and trying to figure out the "trick." There is no trick; pay the $5.49.

a slightly later letter

On Monday I sent off a letter
Addressed to my good friend KT,
But Tuesday I opened my mailbox
And found it there, waiting for me.

"RETURNED FOR ADDRESS," said the red stamp
And, sadly, the red stamp was right,
Her name was there, written quite clearly
But an address was nowhere in sight.

I knew that the mailman was rolling his eyes
When he saw my poor, ill-addressed letter;
The fact a "RETURNED FOR ADDRESS" stamp exists
Has not made me feel that much better.

So I added a line to the "Dumb Things I've Done"
And re-sent the letter today,
Katie, you'll soon get your letter!
It's just on a three-day delay :)